The weatherman says the "highest low"
Occurred in our town a day ago,
The "highest low" that's ever been
For this time of year and the month we're in.
It sounds important. I should be impressed.
But looking back, I must have missed
That "highest low" for the month of May
That came on an otherwise so-so day.
And I seem to recall the "lowest high"
Was another big deal to this weather guy.
Didn't we least in the West...
Save our cheers for the best of the best?
And our boos for a thing that was truly accursed,
The baddest bad and the worst of the worst?
Are we now to applaud the least bad hero,
The perfect "10" that's merely not zero?
Is the weatherman going to tell me soon
We've just had the "darkest-ever" noon?
Or the cloudiest day that passes for "clear?"
Or the dampest day of the driest year?
The highest churchman who isn't a papist?
The most moral statesman who isn't a rapist?
Are road deaths really the "best by far,"
When just fifty thousand are killed by car?
I also read it's a thing to cheer
That young folks have rediscovered beer,
And we can pat each other on the back
They now prefer marijuana to crack.
In this murky morass, "mediocre's" OK,
And an "F" is a "C," and a "C" is an "A."
"Johnnie, how did your history test go?"
"Super, Dude. My grade was the highest low."
Have we here the most fulsome of empty boasts
In these middling "leasts" and meaningless "mosts?"
When east was east and west was west,
The sequence was simple: good - better - best.
So what is a moral compass worth
That only shows us approximate north?
But I see well enough the direction we're going,
And, weatherwise, which way a cold wind is blowing.