The Dutch and Dukess of Kew
Came out to visit the zoo.
An elephant sneezed on the Dukess
And covered the Lady in mucus.
Her reputation was already spotty,
And now people said she was snotty.

The Prink and the Prinkess came later
And were feeding a big alligator.
The Prinkess’s daughter
Fell into the water,
And the reptile obligingly ate her.

The Earl was scared by a squirrel,
And his Lady-wife called him “a girl.”
He said, “Listen, Missy,
This Earl is no sissy,”
But the shriek he did shriek when the squirrel went “squeak,”
Confirmed the girl-Earl referral.

The unmarried Viscountess had bouts
Of bullying, tantrums, and pouts.
When she sneered at the male orang, it
Grabbed a big poop and flang it.
The Counts who ignored the pouty Viscountess,
Just like her, thereafter... were countless.

The Bare-one and his tall Bare-one-ess,
By definition, of course... didn’t dress.
As he teased the hyenas, one bit off his penis,
And the tall bare-one-ess
Cried out in distress,
“Now they’ll see there’s nothing between us!”

The Keen and the Quinn just abhorred
That a beast should embarrass a Lord.
It was such a destroyal
Of everything royal
That both of them fell on their sword.

So that was the story of Kew
When the royalty came to the zoo,
The Dutch, the Bare-one, the squirrel,
The gator, the Prink, and the Earl,
The Prinkess’s daughter, the Dukess,
The Viscountess, Keen, Quinn and mucus.

Just count them up in your head.
Three royal members were dead!
The Bare-one, it’s true,
Lost a dear member too,
And we shouldn’t smirk! ‘Twas a Freudian quirk.
Women, yes... but not many men be,
Who suffer life-long penis envy.