Tea Party
    Midterms, November 2014

Friend, the midterms are upon us.
Let us share a cup of tea
And put the White, Male, Christian Party
Back in power… where it should be!

We have a plan for this election,
But let’s review the measures which
We’ve put in place already
To protect the very rich.

We’ve put loopholes in the tax code,
And with a tax inversion scheme,
We can shift our corporate taxes
To the little guy.      More cream?

The great Leona Helmsley
Had it right. She said, “The fact is,
In laissez-faire free enterprise,
Only little guys pay taxes.”

For years we’ve cursed those socialistic
Redistributers of wealth
Whining for jobs and living wages
And insurance for their health,

But in fact we're the redistributers
Of the really big amounts
From the purses of the Middle Class
To our off-shore accounts.

In the Caymans, we hide our money,
Park our yachts, and sip our tea.
If it’s OK for Romney,
It’s OK for you and me.

Some thought slavery was over,
And indeed it might have been,
But we found slave-labor overseas.
The South will rise again!

South China anyway. It’s Walmart, Nike,
Target, Gap, and Apple which
(Though we call Barack a commie)
Have made Red China rich.

Thanks to our lobbyists and loopholes
Wealth disparity has grown.
And we've sold the lie for decades
It will one day trickle down.

But beyond our gated mansions,
That lie is growing thin,
And it may be getting harder
For plutocracy to win.

If we let the majority rule...
One man, one vote... we’re through,
But Citizens United changed all that,
Thank God.           One lump or two?

The Supreme Court, for the most part,
Votes our way... as they ought,
But we must use ‘em while we can.
It’s not certain they’ll stay bought.

So corporations now are people;
It's a one percenter's dream.
We can back our boys with millions
And buy the congress.      Cream?

Money’s speech and money talks;
Who talks loudest gets elected,
And the Court has killed transparency
So the money’s undetected.

You can’t keep money out of politics
Despite its many sins.
It’s a capitalist system, Dearie.
In the long run, money wins.

We've gerrymandered red-state districts
To keep our boys in power,
But the under class keeps spreading
Like some invasive species flower.

It’s the seniors, the minorities,
And the poor who vote against us,
And their numbers keep on growing
According to the census.

Minorities don't speak good English;
The poor don't own property;
And seniors are feeble-minded;
Why should they vote at all?    More tea?

Of course, our biggest blunder
Was giving votes to women.
With their strange female agendas,
It’s like herding cats.      More lemon?

Women are just bleeding hearts;
They have no respect for wealth
And refuse to take instruction on
Their reproductive health.

But our Good-Old-Time-Religion
Still teaches girls in Sunday school
To their Christian husbands’ rule.

And if those churches want CREATIONISM
Taught as science in schools...
(Though we don’t believe a bit of it
And agree they’re wacko fools)

Still we’ll champion all their bigotry
On God, and guns, and race,
And gays, and women’s issues,
Cuz we have to. They’re our base!

The key is killing voter turn-out,
And with a little intercession…
And the help of red state lawyers…
We can work some vote suppression.

If seniors who no longer drive
Don't have photo-ID,
We'll require birth certificates
Which they won't have.    More tea?

If we locate polling places
Far from bus and light rail stops,
We can put a major spike in
Poor folks’ democratic hopes.

And if they do find rides and get there,
Vote machines will be in short supply,
And they’ll have to stand in line for hours.
They won’t even try.

We'll cancel same-day registration,
Voting early, and voting absentee,
And make it such a chore to vote
They simply won't.      More tea?

We’ll call it “voter fraud protection”
Though that’s a phony reason,
And in a true democracy
Some might call it treason.

Our courts said... of the franchise...
It’s now easy to deny it,
And of our legislature,
It’s now easier to buy it.

With only weeks to go, we’ve had
A lucky break this year,
For nothing makes folks vote for change
Like real unbridled FEAR!

We really couldn’t plan for it,
But what could help us more
Than an Ebola infestation
Arriving on our shore.

That he was born in Africa,
Of course, we always knew.
Now we can tag Obama with
The Ebola crisis too!

Ebola, terrorism,
ISIS, Iraq, Iran...
It’s all Obama’s doing!
Killer bees, the boogeyman.

So that’s our plan for midterms,
And when we take the Senate,
The White House will be impotent,
And in ’16 we’ll win it.

Then we’ll cancel people’s health care,
The New Deal... and The Great Society.
And you can meet me in the Caymans
For another cup of tea.