Male Heartbreak Happens Too,
That little red-haired girl, Charlie Brown?
How you suffered silently!
But no man among us, Charlie Brown,
Doesn’t know your misery.
Men suffer heartbreak too, ya know!
In story, film, and tale,
When our souls are renewed by pulchritude
Though we know our hopes must fail.
Like the grey-eyed goddess, Jean Arthur,
Sweet sod-buster’s wife in Shane,
Van Heflin, nor Ladd could match my love,
My heartache, my tears, or my pain.
In “Midsummer’s Night’s Dream” from the 60’s,
With her dimpled cheeks and smiling,
Diana Rigg spoke Helena’s lines
In sweet lyrics ... my heart beguiling.
And opposite Diana Rigg’s Helena,
Helen Mirren spoke Hermia’s part.
Such a pair of young lovers as ever there was
To break a Midsummer male heart!
And Mirren was gorgeous for 50 years,
A heart-tug through and through.
She could play a sweet lass like Hermia
And an old Queen Elizabeth too.
And Emma! Oh Emma Thompson, my love!
How often betrayed was she?
I was glad when she shucked Kenneth Branagh,
But sadly ... ‘TWAS NOT FOR ME!
And Meryl, Meryl, my African queen,
Let’s make it clear ... just for the record,
In “Out of Africa,” that was ME
Shampooing your hair ... not Redford.
But the crowning blow to my aging heart
That put LOVE itself in doubt,
Was when ... like Jean Arthur decades before ...
My sweet Rachel Maddow ... CAME OUT!
Not that there’s anything wrong with that
In a homo-, pan-, metro-sex world.
The times they are a-changin’, lads.
Let the rainbow flags be unfurled.
But oh, Mirren, Arthur, and Thompson!
Oh, Rigg, and Maddow, and Streep,
You are ALL the little red-haired girl
For whom Charlie Brown and I weep.