Bond funds, commodities,
platinum, and gold
Were once good investments for rich folks to hold.
No longer! Now there's a much better pick.
Get into diamonds, my friend. Get into diamonds quick!
Forget lotteries and Wall Street if you're lookin' for real money
Get your kid a baseball mitt. Go toss the ball with sonny.
Even sooner... as a toddler!.. take him on a horse ride.
Buy him a pony. Maybe two! Just get him used to horse hide!
Don't worry, if at eight or nine, he throws it like a girl.
Put in the hours. Make him toss it. Make him pitch it. Make him hurl!
Then lave his arm in lotions, and dab away his tears.
That arm could well mean Easy Street in your retirement years!
Drill him on curves and spitters thrown from sixty feet,
And you'll dine with dukes in Monaco. To heck with Easy Street!
Ten million dollars just to sign! For kids right off the farm!
To hell with school! Just get him out and limber up his arm.
What Maris... in his lifetime... or Mantle made! Or Ruth!...
Is chicken feed. Six figures now! Or seven! That's the truth.
And junior can't be counted on to know what's right or fair,
So he'll need a fancy agent to get his rightful share.
But it's worth every penny, considering the yields.
We're not talking gold mines here. We're talking diamond fields!