Why retire to have fun At a pastime You’ve already done For the last time? I used to play chess, But chess takes attention; I used to read books, But I’ve lost all retention. I can’t drive a golf ball Like younger folks do; So golf’s mostly watching The ladies play through. Solitaire’s lonely; Sudoku’s for nerds, And crosswords can cause me Some very cross words. I can’t remember What sex is about. Travel’s expensive; So’s eating out. The wife ruled out smoking. The doc ruled out scotch. A walk hurts my bunion, And biking...my crotch. Gard’ning was fun, Beans, carrots, peas-and-all, But hard on the back, Down there on your knees-and-all, And gard’ning is seasonal. TV is mindless. Wheel of Fortune’s a yawn. Fox News is spineless. Deal or No Deal? C’mon! Jeopardy makes me Feel like a dunce. The View is five females All talking at once. Seinfeld? It’s re-runs. Will and Grace? There’s a pair. And Dancing with Stars? Well, it ain’t Fred Astaire. The Colbert Report’s funny; John Stewart too, But the horrors they’re mocking Are painfully true. The economy’s tanking; It gives me the blues, So I’ve pretty much given up Watching the news. I used to like sports: Vikings, Timberwolves, Twins, But you get out of sorts When your team never wins. “Write a pome, Dear!” Says Wifey. “You’re an adult. Write what’s on your mind.” And here’s the result. But I found an activity I think is nice, And it might work for you If you take my advice. Go sit in your comfy chair; Face straight ahead; Keep your eyes open; Pretend you’re not dead; Uncross your legs; Try not to yawn; Ignore the TV screen; Do NOT turn it on. Relax now. Just sit there, No TV blaring. I like it. It works. Yes, I’ve taken up staring.
